You’re more Dan than Phil. You like browsing the internet for hours, in a certain position, many hours into the night. You approach everything with sarcasm and sardonic humor. You may have had an obsession with placenta when you were younger. You don’t really like people, and you could probably do without going outside ever, except for your need of food. You probably also have an upbeat, quirky roommate who is your best friend. You’re also probably not on fire.